Faithfully Yours

Well my friends, thanks for hanging in there after my last cliffhanger post!  We made it through the L.A. experience (separate blog on that to come- it deserves its own post) and came out clean on the other side.  We are currently rocking in beautiful Costa Mesa, CA, and things are clearer.  Much much clearer.  

My last post spoke cryptically about change and decisions and faith, etc... well, I can now tell you what's going down.

For most of you who follow all things Rock of Ages, you know that two weeks ago, we lost Joey Calveri to the Wonderland machine.  Joey's departure was the first of several on the horizon, and while we celebrate his Broadway debut and the addition of the crazy talented (and super fun) Justin Sargent to our band of leather-clad thieves, it was the catalyst for much more change.  This week we lose our dear, dear Rebecca Faulkenberry and Mig Ayesa, who are jet-setting back to NYC to re-open ROCK OF AGES on Broadway (March 24 at the Helen Hayes, people!  Get your tix!) along with our own Dan Domenech.  As you can imagine, it is a huge loss, to lose two of your principal actors on the same day.  Tears are already welling up as we anticipate their departure next Monday, and as I reminisce on the past six months, I feel so grateful to have been part of the original clan, this family that found each other in the name of rock, on the dusty road, on a wobbly contract (sorry SETA but let's call a spade a spade).  Bound together by the HEART that drives this show and the support of the creative team and producers, we find ourselves teetering on the brink of change.

New on the scene this week are the wickedly talented Elicia MacKenzie and Peter Deiwick as Sherrie and Stacee Jaxx (respectively).  They come from us directly from the Toronto cast of ROA, and having seen them in rehearsal this week, they are going to be phenomenal.  I am really excited to work with them both, which leads me to my next big reveal.

After much reflection (and many conversations with both agent and husband), I have decided to sign on for another six months.  I am very excited to share that I will be taking over as Dance Captain as of April 11 (I can’t even talk about losing Lindsay yet so I won’t), and the three of us felt it was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up.  I am SO excited to wear this new hat.  I am also nervous, as it’s a huge responsibility.  But I am up for it, I am ready for it, and I am really looking forward to it!  Of course, for all of my peeps at home in NYC, this means I will NOT be returning to teach for a little while longer.  I know you understand why I made the choice I did, and I am ever grateful for your support in this journey.  I love you and miss you, and look forward to seeing you again after the summer.  I know you are well taken care of, as I love getting your updates and keeping up with you on Facebook.

So, things are still shifting into place, but they have a concrete destination at the moment.  New people, new cities, new adventures are on the horizon.  I am grateful.  I do struggle daily with the idea of being away from my husband for another few months.  But, as my post-ROA goal is to get pregnant, I am embracing this opportunity to tour the USA and absorb all it has to offer.  I am blessed with the best husband in the world, who supports my dream as if it were his own.  I recently expressed my feelings to a close friend about how I feel like people judge me for choosing to be apart from him during our first year of marriage, and she beautifully pointed out that it is a wonderful gift to spend our first year of marriage exploring so many cities across America together.  Thank you Erin for that gift of perspective.  Next stop on our extended honeymoon: San Fran!

Well, lights out for me, as we have a put-in tomorrow for Peter and Elicia and I want work out and grab a green juice at 118 Degrees beforehand!  Speaking of which, I am reading The Crazy Sexy Diet by Kris Carr at the moment, and I am INSPIRED to change my eating habits!  Do yourself a favor and pick up this book.  Carr (a cancer survivor who also penned Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips) is witty, sassy, and well-versed in doing a body good.  AND she mentions intenSati in her book... love it!

Much love to you today and always!  We gotta have faith!

Erika

Faith: Between The Rock and a Hard Place

Greetings from Seattle, a breathtaking city with great food, fresh air, and friendly people!  This is the first city in a while where I haven't been onstage at all, and although I definitely miss it this week, I am also grateful for it, because I'm trying out some new things with my diet (I haven't had alcohol since Feb 1 or meat since Feb 3) and processing some new energetic goodies I picked up at my Oneness retreat last weekend.  Physically, I have allowed myself to slow WAY down this week.  Instead of blazing calories aggressively on the elliptical at 140 beats per minute, I have enjoyed some fantastic pilates and yoga classes, and even spent one gorgeous morning not working out at all (gasp!) and talking about The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts with two strangers in the hot tub.  And despite the seemingly lazier week, I am still satisfactorily sore.  Yay!


On the work front, the foundation is shifting, and there is a lot of change in the air.  Not surprisingly as a result, there is crazy energy and deafening speculation buzzing around our teased little wigged heads.  Several people are experiencing sleepless or restless nights.  Emotions are running high.  I will refrain from commenting on specifics, but the show, she is a-changin'.  Add in the pressure of the impending HUGE Los Angeles opening next week and the Broadway re-opening next month, and you have a LOT of peeps experiencing simultaneous growing pains and succumbing to the mercy of the unknown.  It is both inevitable and uncomfortable (but please make no mistake, my friends:  We are still ROCKING 8 shows a week- it's our favorite thing!).


When I graduated from high school, I received one of those long-winded cards spilling with poetic advice on how to live life post-cap-and-gown. I cut out the following passage and committed it to memory: "When you have to make a decision, make the best decision possible in the moment, then forget about it. The moment of absolute certainty never arrives." 17 years later, I still come back to this quote when I'm feeling indecisive.  And last weekend at my retreat, I learned that the desire for certainty is one of those pesky little cravings that keeps us in a pattern of suffering (as a side note, the craving for variety does too). Crap. I'm suffering! Waaaah!
When faced with the threat of (or opportunity for) change, I squirm like a four year old in Latin Mass.  Blame it on my Taurean nature, my craving for significance, or fear of the unknown, I want to always know that I am in exactly the right place, taking the best option for my long term benefit, and in control.  This is why I don't like flying, skiing, or horseback riding- activities that remind me I am small, insignificant, and definitely not in control.  This is also why I quit performing after September 11 to become a General Manager.  I wanted certainty in a world that was falling apart.  But, like they say, the only real certainty in life is change.  So here I am, and here we are, a band of guitar shredders and headbangers and pole vixens, sitting in the not-knowing like a dirty diaper, and all we can do is shrug our shoulders, shake it off, and wait, together.  No amount of speculation will satisfy.  We just have to (freaking) wait and see how it plays out.


At the risk of sounding cryptic, there are decisions to be made.  Some are my choice, and some are out of my hands.  So, since I don't have absolute control (and never will), I choose to have faith.  Faith that the outcome will be for my highest good and the good of all others.  Faith that I will be happy and satisfied.  Faith that the lessons of 2011 will strengthen and feed my soul, and feed the souls of my friends.  And yes, faith in the Divine Hand of God.  I am really tired of trying to muscle through without THAT help.  And the Big Guy knows I have certainly tried!  No matter what, in the end, things work out.  They always have, and they always will.


I leave you tonight with the question:  where in your life have you forgotten that faith is an option?  My friend and life coach Jo taught me that life begins when you embrace fear and uncertainty, and leap with abandon into the abyss.  THAT is when you grow, and learn, and experience joy like never before.  I look forward to the day I can share with you the questions and circumstances that inspired this blog entry (God I hope it's soon!!!).  Until then, much love and faith to you!  We are in this love together!


Supporting you,
Erika