Pushing the Limit- Tears and working out!

Last Friday I went to a cycling class with my friend D.  I had never been to this particular facility before, and the owner had invited me to see if I would be interested in teaching there.  The place was beautiful and has a reputation for totally bumpin' music, so I was excited to check it out.  I showed up in my cute outfit, rented the cycling shoes, and hopped on bike #31.  

Now, before I even clicked in, I was carrying some worry.  I had been nursing a shoulder injury for three weeks, and I knew that riding out of the saddle could be a problem if I was careless.  But I had already rescheduled once, and I decided I had to show up.  I had also started a nine-day cleanse that day, and was afraid that the shake I'd eaten for breakfast wasn't going to be enough to get me through the class and my next sculpt class I had to teach.   But, as my friend T had graciously reminded me the day before, we store so much energy in our bodies, and it would be good to shake it up again, tap into my reserve, and shake things up a bit.    

So there I was.  Clicked in, ready to ride.  I looked around at the 59 (yes 59!) other people waiting for class to start, already vigorously pedaling with grim, determined visages even though the instructor hadn't even entered the room yet.  I pedaled idly while chatting with D and examining my sparkly engagement ring in the dim candlelit studio, and waited.  Wanted to go easy on the shoulder, and I was cleansing.  Take it easy, E.  

Well, then class began, and it became apparent pretty early on that there was no taking it easy.  After all, I was the one who was INVITED here, I had to represent, I had to do well.  About halfway through class, we were on a 3-minute sprint, and I burst into tears in the middle of either "Run This Town" or "Empire State of Mind," I can't remember which.  I was exhausted.  I was drenched.  I was f#cking HOT, I was agitated, I was worried about my shoulder, and I wanted OUT OF THERE.  But there was no way I was quitting.  I was so mad that I was mad, I cried more.  I started saying things to myself.  Talking to myself how I talk to my students.  "FIND MORE," I said.  "FIND MORE."  And I did.  We recovered from the sprint, and for a split second, I felt pretty damn good.

Within 15 minutes I was crying again.  I'm pretty sure I audibly sobbed at one point.  Thank God for loud music (I loved that they passed earplugs out at the front desk, BTW).  This time, as I cried, I tried to figure out if it was because I HATED that ride or LOVED it.  Was it torture or a breakthrough?  I still don't know, but you bet your ass I'm going back.

To be clear, I hadn't cried from pain.  If my shoulder were exploding, I would have clicked out and navigated my way through the sweaty sea of Tribeca moms to the safe haven of the locker room.  The fear I felt about it was much more potent than the actual physical pain.  And the next day, my shoulder was pain free for the first time in weeks.  Coincidence?  I don't know.   But I think not.

After class, D and I went for a coffee (me: tea.  Cleansing!) and she said to me, "I totally cried."  I think I jumped up and down with glee just knowing that I wasn't the only one!  I think when we are being pushed to be better, we get defensive.  We show resistance.  And then comes the inevitable point when you either have to quit or break on through to the other side.  As a student of intenSati, I have experienced this so many times.  Forcing myself to stand in the front row of Patricia's class in front of my students so I can't slack off, and then regretting it when I start to cry halfway through the upper body series because I really, really feel like I might pass out if I don't take a break.

Taking that class last Friday was a beautiful reminder to me.  A reminder that as a teacher, I am responsible for facilitating your breakthroughs.  So if we're in class and you hear me say "FIND MORE," and you want to stab me in the eye and burst into tears, you are in exactly the right place.  Just remember that I am there to help you find your strength, your stored up energy, your potential.

So let's ride!