Friday, October 29, 2010

A spoonful of spiritual sugar

Hi bloggity friends!
This has been a very interesting and trying week for many of us out here on the ol' ROA tour.  Strange things are afoot in Cincinnati, and we can all feel it.  We've had phantom fleeting injuries, silly onstage snafus (slipping, tripping, and dropping things), and even a tornado warning.  Not to mention, the eight women in the cast are slowly being pulled to the same cycle, and this week has many of us howling at the moon, just in time for Halloween.   Our hotel has been taken over by hundreds- I mean HUNDREDS- of card carrying members of the Society of Hispanic Professional Engineers, who fisheye our black-and-fuschia colored nails in fascination in the elevator (One guy actually said, "You're in ROCK OF AGES, aren't you?").    Audiences are cheering unusually loud and long for the "Reagan Era" joke.  We don't know what's happening. 

For me, this has been a strange week in which I have had a difficult time maintaining perspective.  Due to unforseen circumstances, My swing costumes have not yet arrived from the NYC costume shop, and my onstage debut as Young Groupie is now almost a week overdue as a result.   I am clearly very eager to get onstage for many reasons, but I have spent way too much energy this week in my head: complaining, stomping my feet, sighing audibly, and trying to assign blame.  It is exhausting, and incredibly unflattering.

Being away from home and my network of spiritual peeps makes it easy for me to lapse on my spiritual practice.  Oneness, meditation, manifesting, etc.  This morning, however, while killing time before my massage appointment, I came across a recent entry in my favorite blog, Oneness In The City, penned by one of my besties, a sassy, savvy, goddess who I regard so highly that Brian and I asked her to perform our marriage ceremony (which she did, and beautifully).  Her entry, smartly entitled "the bitch of bliss," woke me up like a venti redeye.  Her entry made me feel many things about how I've been thinking and acting- childish, spoiled, and temporarily checked out.  But it also made me feel a LOT better.  It brought me back to "reality" (what is that, anyway) and reminded me that it's all good.  We are tested occasionally and how we deal is everything.  I want to be like her.  I want to float above the drama and know in my heart that things work out.  So this is what I choose.

The truth of the matter is, and the part that I so easily forget, is that it is all unfolding in its perfect time. I will get onstage.  This is not life or death. It's just a rock musical. All of these seeming setbacks are just tiny little bumps in the road of (tour) life.  I don't perform open heart surgery, and no one is going to die if I don't don my blonde wig and swing on a pole tonight. It's all good. For realz. 

So I'm off to my massage.  2 hours ago I was afraid I wouldn't be able to relax, as I'm expecting a call to let me know if my costumes arrive.  Now, the phone is going off, I'm not going to worry about it, and my only thoughts will be of the present.  What a present.  Thanks Mags.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Big props

Wow, okay so it's been a long time.  Things have happened.  I am a newlywed, my career has shifted, and my world has been ROCKED. 

So remember my blog in June, "Confessions of a Girl Who Wants to Rock?"  The blog entry entirely dedicated to my dream and strong desire to be in ROCK OF AGES?  The one where I took a deep breath and told the world how BADLY I wanted to be a pole dancing, 80's-fabulous video vamp?  Well, as I write this, I am in Minneapolis, our third city on the First National Tour of ROCK OF AGES, and I am having the time of my life.  I want you to know that I got it.  I have it, and am now sitting smack in the middle of my dream show, loving every freaking glitter-dipped second of it. 

I am convinced that the shift happened when I started verbalizing it.  Writing about it.  Upping the cosmic ante, choosing to believe I could have it, and for the first time in a long while, sharing what I held closest to the vest.  It was scary.  I felt vulnerable and weird and cheesy.  But guess what?  I left it all on the floor, and it worked.  I'm here.  And every day, I am grateful.  Last night was my first onstage performance, and it was so much fun!  I was so lucky to have the support of the cast and crew, not to mention THE best husband, who sent me lovey messages and blessings all day, and proudly tagged me in his Facebook posts as I made my debut as Justice, an 80's strip club she-pimp on the Sunset Strip.

The last few months have been charged for sure- so much emotion as I left my Hoboken apartment and my man for our first tour stop, 15 days before our Vermont wedding.  The excitement of opening a Broadway First National Tour and being part of it all.  The perfect wedding weekend with our families and closest friends.  The most luxurious, romantic honeymoon of all time.  The thrill of finally going onstage after two months of preparation.  And now, as I settle into tour life for the long haul, I can take a deep breath (and maybe a nap), and say THANK YOU. 

THANK YOU God for giving me EVERYTHING I WANTED this year so far.
THANK YOU to a supportive cast, my new friends, who are so outrageously talented.  It is such a blast out here with you all.
THANK YOU to my students and bosses and mentors in the fitness world for understanding that I had to go, and for loving me anyway
THANK YOU to Brian for supporting my dream so fully that you are flying all over the country every 2 weeks to see me, and for reiterating that I had to take this job, even during our first year of marriage.
THANK YOU to the producers of ROCK OF AGES for granting me my wedding and honeymoon off!!!  Seriously, THANK YOU!
THANK YOU to my agent for having the balls to ask for that and believing that I could actually get it (and THANK YOU for that amazing bottle of champagne on opening night!)!
THANK YOU to everyone who trekked to Vermont for our wedding.  I hope you had as much fun as we did! 
THANK YOU to Emily Post, or whoever said we have a year to write Thank You notes (but I promise it won't be that long)!

Since I'm no longer teaching at the gym, I have renamed my blog "It's Just The Road."  Same theme applies.  I am finding that perspective, my theme for "It's Just the Gym," is a quality that I really need on the road!  Something funny happens when you tour... your world gets a lot smaller.  You travel, work, and socialize with the same people every day.  At first you suffer from what my friend and fellow swing Dan calls "FOMO" (Fear of Missing Out), so you roll with the pack as much as you can.  Then, before you know it, a misplaced wig cap sends you into a backstage tirade because you didn't give yourself any breathing room in that last city, or you were up until 2am watching "The Event" on Hulu.  You freak out if you don't make a quick change or if you bump into someone onstage.  You would rather keel over and die than miss a performance when you're under the weather.  It's in these moments when we must remind ourselves... OH YEAH!  It's just a rock show!  With poop jokes and Whitesnake songs.  And it's supposed to be FUN!

Enter: extreme self care.  I'm learning to find the balance out here.  We have to take care of ourselves, stay creative, nurture our bodies and our minds, drink water, make our hotel rooms feel like homes.  My FOMO is gone.  I have lots of time to make memories.  I'm starting to think creatively in my spare time.  We are shooting our first ROAdy Productions webisode.  I am thinking about knitting again.  Taking every day as it comes, and remaining grateful for it all, as we navigate our way across the country on this incredible journey.  Much more to come, and thanks so much for reading!