Saturday, February 12, 2011

Faith: Between The Rock and a Hard Place

Greetings from Seattle, a breathtaking city with great food, fresh air, and friendly people!  This is the first city in a while where I haven't been onstage at all, and although I definitely miss it this week, I am also grateful for it, because I'm trying out some new things with my diet (I haven't had alcohol since Feb 1 or meat since Feb 3) and processing some new energetic goodies I picked up at my Oneness retreat last weekend.  Physically, I have allowed myself to slow WAY down this week.  Instead of blazing calories aggressively on the elliptical at 140 beats per minute, I have enjoyed some fantastic pilates and yoga classes, and even spent one gorgeous morning not working out at all (gasp!) and talking about The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts with two strangers in the hot tub.  And despite the seemingly lazier week, I am still satisfactorily sore.  Yay!

On the work front, the foundation is shifting, and there is a lot of change in the air.  Not surprisingly as a result, there is crazy energy and deafening speculation buzzing around our teased little wigged heads.  Several people are experiencing sleepless or restless nights.  Emotions are running high.  I will refrain from commenting on specifics, but the show, she is a-changin'.  Add in the pressure of the impending HUGE Los Angeles opening next week and the Broadway re-opening next month, and you have a LOT of peeps experiencing simultaneous growing pains and succumbing to the mercy of the unknown.  It is both inevitable and uncomfortable (but please make no mistake, my friends:  We are still ROCKING 8 shows a week- it's our favorite thing!).

When I graduated from high school, I received one of those long-winded cards spilling with poetic advice on how to live life post-cap-and-gown. I cut out the following passage and committed it to memory: "When you have to make a decision, make the best decision possible in the moment, then forget about it. The moment of absolute certainty never arrives." 17 years later, I still come back to this quote when I'm feeling indecisive.  And last weekend at my retreat, I learned that the desire for certainty is one of those pesky little cravings that keeps us in a pattern of suffering (as a side note, the craving for variety does too). Crap. I'm suffering! Waaaah!
When faced with the threat of (or opportunity for) change, I squirm like a four year old in Latin Mass.  Blame it on my Taurean nature, my craving for significance, or fear of the unknown, I want to always know that I am in exactly the right place, taking the best option for my long term benefit, and in control.  This is why I don't like flying, skiing, or horseback riding- activities that remind me I am small, insignificant, and definitely not in control.  This is also why I quit performing after September 11 to become a General Manager.  I wanted certainty in a world that was falling apart.  But, like they say, the only real certainty in life is change.  So here I am, and here we are, a band of guitar shredders and headbangers and pole vixens, sitting in the not-knowing like a dirty diaper, and all we can do is shrug our shoulders, shake it off, and wait, together.  No amount of speculation will satisfy.  We just have to (freaking) wait and see how it plays out.

At the risk of sounding cryptic, there are decisions to be made.  Some are my choice, and some are out of my hands.  So, since I don't have absolute control (and never will), I choose to have faith.  Faith that the outcome will be for my highest good and the good of all others.  Faith that I will be happy and satisfied.  Faith that the lessons of 2011 will strengthen and feed my soul, and feed the souls of my friends.  And yes, faith in the Divine Hand of God.  I am really tired of trying to muscle through without THAT help.  And the Big Guy knows I have certainly tried!  No matter what, in the end, things work out.  They always have, and they always will.

I leave you tonight with the question:  where in your life have you forgotten that faith is an option?  My friend and life coach Jo taught me that life begins when you embrace fear and uncertainty, and leap with abandon into the abyss.  THAT is when you grow, and learn, and experience joy like never before.  I look forward to the day I can share with you the questions and circumstances that inspired this blog entry (God I hope it's soon!!!).  Until then, much love and faith to you!  We are in this love together!

Supporting you,